Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Oh, sister 35. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones vii)

We had a visit from Sally McGhee
Or should I say Lady Montgomery
She was still Sally to me
And talkin’ all posh was she
Forgettin’ that it was only Siobhan, Nancy and me
Dean had gone
We’d told him that behaviour like that just wasn’t on 
We’d had enough of his drinkin’ sprees
And despite his pleas
I said to him, “Out, we’re tired of you thinkin’ that you can do as you please.”
So he left and never came back
And neither did Nancy’s Jack
But I was on about our visit from Sally McGhee
His Lordship was havin’ a party and invited us three
Well, she was the one that made him agree
As it was meant to be for a select few
He even gave her money too
For our shoes and dresses
And to go to a fancy place to sort our tresses
She didn’t linger
Already she had him twisted around her finger
I asked her how she got it right to get us an invite
Considerin’ that there’d only be special guests that night
“Curiosity killed the cat,” she said and left it at that.
The night started off like a dream
Us little whores got to mix with the cream
And they were ever so kind
Cheerfully chattin’ while we wined and dined
But as soon as the staff were sent away
That was the signal for the toffs to play
And as soon as they closed the doors
We went back to bein’ whores
Well, Nancy, Siobhan and me
Certainly not Lady Montgomery
We were ordered to strip and lie on the table
By the popinjays and the completely unstable
And if you think that was rude
We were told to lie still and covered with food
In my life as a whore I’ve had some strange requests
And more than my fair share of peculiar pests
But never once did I contemplate
That I’d become a human plate
Completely motionless while the privileged ate
And when they were done
The women moved back to let the men have their fun
They applauded and shrieked like they were truly elated
While us whores and the men fornicated
I caught sight of Sally and saw her cry
And heard her yell at his Lordship, “Why, Hugh, why?”
“Because they’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be rich!” he roared. “And now it’s back to reality, you stupid little bitch!”
I saw the sympathetic faces of Robert and Yvette
But there were looks of scorn from the rest of the set
Tears streamed from Sally’s eyes
“I didn’t know that this was going to happen,” she said to us. “I do apologise.”
“Meddling in my affairs is something you’ll regret,” Lord Montgomery told her. “If I want something, I’ll damn well get. Now watch what I do to the lovely Yvette. She is one who understands the consequences of refusing my demands.”
Yvette stripped naked when he clapped his hands
“You see,” he said and stripped naked too. “Come and kneel before me Yvette. Show them what you can do.”
Robert tried to interfere
But the other men surrounded him and wouldn’t let him near
“Oh, Lord Brown,” said Montgomery as Yvette went down. “Control is how the gentry get their thrill. We smile with satisfaction as we go for the kill. You’ll have to abandon compassion if you want to join our squad. Only then will you feel like a god.”   

Monday, 27 June 2016

Oh, sister 34. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee vii)

I suppose I should have been happy with married life
Especially after becomin’ Lord Montgomery’s wife
I was determined to make it work
And even embrace his little quirk
But there was a lot more to Hugh than a fixation with a shoe
The first thing that became apparent to me
Was that lonely was only what he pretended to be
At night I’d wake up and he wouldn’t be in the room
And when he returned he’d be reekin’ of sweet perfume
There was also somethin’ lurkin’ behind his placid demeanour   
Somethin’ dark and meaner
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first
But feared the worst
I wasn’t quite sure what to do
There was definitely another side to Hugh
I was hesitant to ask
But I had to know what was behind the mask
I tried to extract what I could from my maid
Nothin’ direct as I knew she’d be afraid
Somethin’ that might explain these peculiarities
Or at least somethin’ that would put my mind at ease
But there was nothin’ that she could tell me that I didn’t already know
And my curiosity continued to grow
So much so that I was goin’ off my head
And the next time I awoke in an empty bed
I decided to explore
And went through the house floor by floor
Listenin’ by every door
I was about to give up and go back to sleep
When the sound of voices made my heart leap
Not from far
A little up the hallway a door was ajar
I decided to take a peek
Hopin’ that none o’ the floorboards would creak
I was really scared
And really not prepared
To see my husband in a wig and a frock
With his lips around the butler’s …
I nearly squealed with shock
I was mesmerised
More so when Hugh was bein’ sodomised
I half expected him to put up a fight
But the man that I married screamed with delight
And the smell of perfume
That sickly sweetness was present in the room
It was Hugh that wore
I originally thought that it might have come from a whore
I watched until I could watch no more
And slowly crept away from the door
I’d been had
The marriage was a façade
A front for the high society
In case of the eventuality
That someone may discover his true sexuality
But how could I fault him for his dishonesty
When my own goal was one o’ duplicity
And deception is usually incurred by the one that deceives
But he could’ve done better than our butler Jeeves  

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Oh, sister 33. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary vii)

At first I thought that I was dreamin’
When I heard our Nancy screamin’
“It’s the Ripper, it’s Jack!”
It was enough to give someone a heart attack
Nerys and I ran out but he’d already run out the door
That man had put terror into every single whore
Nerys had to grip her
As she wouldn’t stop screamin’, “It were ‘im. The knickers thief is the Ripper!”
“Calm down, he’s gone!” Nerys yelled at her. “The only ones here are me and Siobhan!”
“But ‘e were ‘ere!” she sobbed and trembled with fear.
We hadn’t had any other customers that night
But Nancy’s revelation sure gave us a fright
It was beyond belief
That evil such as he could also be a thief
With all those tales of his murders and the inevitable rumours
Never had it been said that he had a thing for bloomers
Perhaps it was somethin’ that the newspapers failed to relay
Because the public may not have believed what they had to say
People would accept the gruesome death of a whore
And some would be fascinated with the grisly gore
But in Victorian times they were so naïve
And a knickers sniffin’ madman they’d find hard to believe
Ye can understand that we were all extremely shocked
And from then on we were vigilant and kept the door locked
Robert’s departure left Nerys in charge
But the evil Ripper was still at large
And such was the trepidation he managed to arouse
We needed protection from him and the average louse
We were reluctant to admit that we needed a man in the house
But immediately we began to advertise
We need someone tough and of incredible size
For days after that there were very long queues
And after many long and tedious interviews
The other two weren’t decided on whom to choose
It was me that suggested that we hire Dean
He was by far the biggest man that we’d ever seen
Big broad shoulders and seemed very keen
We told him that he’d have to work for very little pay
But would make sure that he got three meals a day
Things went well for a while
He was very pleasant and always had a smile
Until one day he stole a bottle of gin
And that smile turned into a mischievous grin
Makin’ us rue our decision to let him in
The man had a problem with drink
It’s not what you think
Dean didn’t become mean
But his drunken behaviour was quite obscene
As he had it in his head that he was the Queen
Aye, Victoria
And played the role with great euphoria
Nerys was not impressed
As it was in her favourite black dress that he was dressed
I suppose he thought it’d be right for the part
But he came across more like the world’s ugliest tart
Extremely boozed
Constantly natterin’, “I am not amused!”

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Oh, sister 32. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop vii)

It was bad enough that Robert ‘ad stolen our money
But ‘avin’ me knickers stolen just weren’t funny
Me underskirts ‘ad gone missin’ too
And ‘oever it was I didn’t ‘ave a clue
I didn’t know what to do
I couldn’t go accusin’ the other two
We might have been virtually skint
And because of Robert we were forced to stint
But I didn’t think any of them would dare
Sneak into the room to pinch me underwear
Not even for a joke
So it ‘ad to be a bloke
Well, if only ‘e’d asked if ‘e wanted to borrow
I would’ve allowed it and said, “Don’t forget to bring them back tomorrow.”
Obviously they’d be used for somethin’ obscene
But as long as they came back clean
And as long as ‘e were willin’ to pay the extra fee
That would ‘ave been fine by me
Keep them ‘appy and they’ll come back for more
I really was an understandin’ ‘ore
And I did my best to please anyone that came through the door
But the thought of one of them stealin’ just made me sore
It really ‘urt
Every pair of knickers and every underskirt
I racked me brains tryin’ to think ‘o it might be
Until it eventually dawned on me
One I got from Sally McGhee
A military man ‘e was without a doubt
With an unnecessary need to scream and shout
The bugger would make me stand at attention
Completely starkers I should mention
And ‘e’d be naked too while ‘e did ‘is inspection
Joyfully fondlin’ ‘is ‘uge erection
Well, that’s what I saw when I dared to look down
And I’d be duly reprimanded by the conceited clown
Screamin’, “Eyes front!”
The man was an utterly arrogant little...
You know what I mean
Pretendin’ not to enjoy ‘avin’ ‘is todger seen
Although me feet got terribly sore
And all I wanted to do was sit on the floor
I did my best to please
And wait for the command to stand at ease
That’s when he’d pick up me clothes
And rub me bloomers against ‘is nose
And then give them a quick inspection
Before puttin’ them over ‘is ‘ead and rubbin’ ‘is erection
When all was done and ‘e had ‘is bit of fun
Me clothes were folded in a neat little pile
And ‘e would lay them on me bed with a satisfied smile
My intuition was right
The same bleedin’ geezer came to visit the next night
I said, “Oi, where’s me bleedin’ knickers?”
But all I got was ‘is usual snickers
“Look,” I said to ‘im. “All I want is me knickers back.”
“And I will bring them back,” ‘e told me. “As long as you promise to be a good girl for Jack.” 

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Oh, sister 31. (Memoirs of Robert Brown vii)

Ah’d been lookin’ forward tae Lord Montgomery’s weddin’
But it wis an event that Yvette wis completely dreadin’
“We have tae go,” ah said tae her. “Jist think o’ how many people ah could get tae know.”
“We have no choice but to go,” she said. “I shudder to think what might happen if I failed to show.”
Ah wisnae sure what she meant
But somethin’ told me that she feared this gent
It wis only some silly event
Yet it seemed that non-attendance posed a threat
An’ seein’ that me an’ His Lordship had never met
Ah tried tae get a wee bit more fae Yvette
But she wis sayin’ no more
Jist the mention o’ his name shook her tae the core
Oan the way tae the weddin’ she trembled wi’ fear
Exacerbated more as the carriage got near
It wis obvious that this man had clout
An’ ah wis determined tae discover what he wis really about
But there wis a wee distraction
When ma eyes caught sight o’ the main attraction
Ah thought, ‘His Lordship certainly has taste’
There wis nae time tae waste
Ah had tae take a chance
An’ ask the dainty lady if she’d care tae dance
Ye can imagine what a shock it wis for me
When ah looked at her eyes and saw Sally McGhee
Dressed like that she wisnae easy tae recognise
Nae wonder ah got a surprise
She looked like a lady o’ grace 
And that harsh Belfast brogue there wis hardly a trace
Since ah’d never met His Lordship before
Ah wondered how he came tae meet the connivin’ wee whore
Immediately ah started thinkin’ how she could be utilised
But she wis no havin’ any o’ it an’ ah wis promptly chastised
And accused o’ theft
Ah hadnae been near the hoose since the day that ah left
Ah let Sally go an’ went back tae Yvette
“Darling,” ah said to her as she wis chattin’ wi’ friends. “I do think that it’s time His Lordship and I met.”
Immediately she began tae fret
Her enormous fear ah jist didnae get
Eventually ah wis introduced by her friend Harriette
“Ah, Lord Brown,” he said as he shook ma hand. “How is the lovely Yvette?”
“She is very well, sir,” wis aw ah could say.
His pleasant manner changed when Harriette walked away
“Both of us know that you’re nothing more than a fake,” he said. “And if you are planning to go against me it will be a huge mistake.”
“Sir, I can assure you that is not my intention at all,” ah told him. “I’m just hoping that for me fame and fortune will befall.”
“Then your secret is safe with me,” he said. “I assume that you recognised Sally McGhee.”
“Yes,” ah answered. “It’s strange that I’ve never met you before.”
He laughed and said, “That’s because I never entered through the front door.”
“Sir, I do hope a friendship can ensue,” ah said. “Maybe you can advise me on what to do, and please don’t hesitate to ask if there is something that I can do for you.”
“Call me Hugh,” he said. “To start with you can ask Yvette to lend me a shoe.”  

Monday, 6 June 2016

Oh, sister 30 (Memoirs of Nerys Jones vi)

The theft of our hard earned money left all of us sour
But we were goin’ to show Robert that we had the power
Sally was the best choice as she was pretty and petite
And the one most likely to fit in with the elite
Her Belfast brogue was a bit strong
But proper elocution didn’t take long
Arranged by her husband to be
Lord Montgomery
All of us were impressed with the new Sally McGhee
Or soon to be
Lady Montgomery
Wife of Hugh
The first name of the man that got his jollies from a shoe 
She even changed her first name too
She told us that she needed somethin’ new
Somethin’ more appropriate for the snooty crew
Hugh suggested Prudence but she preferred Pru
Prudence or Pru Montgomery
A lot more high society than Sally McGhee
As it got closer to the weddin’ we were all excited
The cream of London town were all invited
And that included Robert and Yvette
Hugh was one of the few that Robert hadn’t met
And unknown to the rest of us as he was Sally’s pet
She told us that he visited her once or twice a week
And round the back and through her window he liked to sneak
In order to avoid meetin’ one of his kind
He just required privacy and a place to unwind
The weddin’ took place at the Lord’s lovely manor
We weren’t guests but I got to be planner
Brought about by Sally’s persuasion
Montgomery even bought our clothes for the occasion
Sally made the most beautiful bride
And Montgomery’s face was beamin’ with pride
We could only observe from the side
But later on Sally did confide
How Robert reacted at the very first glance
As moments afterwards he asked her to dance
And stared in shock and surprise
Recognition when he looked at her eyes
 “What dae ye think ye’re daein’?” he asked her as they took to the floor. “Ye’re nothin’ but a silly wee whore.”
“And you are so much more?” she replied. “Oh, Robert, you are such a bore.”
“Och, drop the snooty act,” he told her. “Yer pronunciation is no quite exact. And these lot here might be friendly an’ pleasant, but if they were tae find oot that ye’re jist a wee Irish peasant.”
“Do what ye have to do,” she told him. “They’d believe Lord Montgomery rather than you.”
“Let’s call a truce,” he said. “Noo that ye’re part o’ the elite, ye might have a use.”
“Oh, you are so kind,” she responded. “What do you have in mind?”
“Less o’ the sarcasm for a start,” he said irritably. “Ah won’t be talked down tae by a jumped up wee tart.”
“Whatever ye have in mind, the answer is no,” she said. “But I might reconsider if ye pay back the money ye owe.”
“What money?” he asked. “Ah don’t know what ye mean.”
“Ye know fine well what I mean,” she said. “Stealin’ from whores is not only wrong, it’s bloody obscene.”
“But ah never stole fae you or the others,” he told her. “Ah swear oan ma mother’s life an’ ma brother’s.”
“Oh, how low you have descended,” she said to him as the music abruptly ended.  
“If ah wanted tae steal, ah’d have done it before,” he said as they left the floor.
“Lies, all lies, I don’t want to hear anymore,” she told him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to the one that I adore.”  

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Oh, sister 29. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee vi)

I’d been wonderin’ what was wrong with Miss MacGeary
Sittin’ in her room withdrawn and weary
But when she came home one day sad and teary
I couldn’t help but ask her, “What’s up, dearie?”
She threw her arms around me and instantly broke down
And babbled about the rich cow and Robert Brown
I must admit I hadn’t been aware
That Siobhan and the woman had been havin’ an affair
Affairs like these were mostly kept quiet
And few had the courage to even try it
Certainly not me
That kind o’ thing wasn’t for Sally McGhee
But there was no gettin’ away from the fact she’d been mistreated
And no wonder the poor lass was forlorn and defeated
That blasted Robert Brown
After a while he stopped comin’ aroun’
And that had nothin’ to with the treatment o’ Siobhan
It was the fact that all our money had gone
It wasn’t in the place where we usually kept
But that rotten scoundrel was very adept
And must have sneaked in while all o’ us slept
I suppose we only had ourselves to blame
All o’ us knew that the man had no shame
But we were determined to play the same game
And show the bugger that we could be just as shady 
And the first thing we were going to do was make me a lady
It was me that they chose
Because o’ my lovely shoes and fancy clothes
And to those two that made that wonderful donation
The time was ripe for some more manipulation
But who to choose
The one that wears the dresses or the one that sniffs the shoes
Remember when I was dreamin’ like a silly wee whore?
Wonderin’ if one o’ them would come through the door
And say, “Sally McGhee, will you marry me?”
Well, now I had to plant that seed
And find out which one had the greatest need
Which one would react with abject dismay
If I tearfully told them I was goin’ away
I had an idea that it’d be the one that had a fixation with shoes
He’d be so much easier to use and abuse
And I was right
He was dreadfully distraught when I told him one night
 “I cannot abide this life anymore,” I told him. “There is more to life than bein’ a whore. I need to be free and find someone who will marry me.”
“Please don’t do this, you’re all that I’ve got,” he sobbed. “Tell me that you’ll give it a little more thought.”  
“It is not my intention to be unkind,” I said. “I have given it thought and I’ve made up my mind.”
That’s when he got down on one knee
“My darling little whore, I can offer you more,” he said. “Please will you marry me?”
“Alas,” I said to him. “We are chalk and cheese.”
“It doesn’t matter to me, my little sweet pea,” he responded. “Just marry me, please!”
I couldn’t let my excitement show
So I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Oh, I don’t know.”
“I promise to teach you all you’ll need to know,” he cried. “Just marry me and say that you won’t go.”  
“I’m going to need a few days to decide what I want to do,” I responded. “But in the meantime, may I offer you my shoe?”