In for a
penny in for a pound
Take that
approach an’ riches can be found
If ye don’t
take a chance ye’re never gonnae get
An’ ah knew
Siobhan’s lover would be ma best bet yet
Siobhan
never knew that ah knew aboot Yvette
So when ah
related that tae her she wis terribly upset
Ah told her
no tae fret
It wisnae
her reputation that wis under threat
It wis the esteem
o’ her rich paramour
Naebody wis
concerned aboot the sins o’ a whore
Siobhan
broke the news tae her the very next day
An’ she came
tae the hoose withoot delay
She even
brought that halfwit Giles
So ah
flashed him one o’ ma best fake smiles
And sent him
tae Siobhan tae get his licks
Or whatever
way the idiot got his kicks
Leavin’ me
wi’ the lovely Yvette
Ah’ve always
been partial tae a tasty brunette
“I can’t say
that I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Brown,” she said. “Is there somewhere we can
go and sit down?”
“The drawin’
room is undergoin’ some significant repairs,” ah replied. “But we can go tae ma
study at the top o’ the stairs.”
Ah thought
that ma facetiousness would’ve had her riled
But she got
the humour an’ merely smiled
“Anywhere is
fine, just lead the way,” she told me. “I’ve only come to listen to what you
have to say.”
So ah took her
tae ma office that wis oan the first floor
And offered
a drink when ah opened the door
“A wee dram
o’ whisky?” ah asked her. “Or perhaps a brandy instead?”
“Nothing for
me,” she replied wi’ a shake o’ the head.
Ah pulled
oot a chair for the bonnie lass
Grabbed the
bottle o’ whisky an’ poured a glass
An’ then sat
doon opposite the lady o’ class
“Mr. Brown,
how much will it take?” she asked. “My standing in society is evidently at
stake.”
“Call me
Robert, please,” ah told her. “Ah’d like tae feel that we were baith at ease.”
“And you may
call me Yvette,” she said. “You still haven’t answered my question yet.”
“Well, ah’m
no a man tae make an idle threat, Yvette,” ah said. “An’ money is no the only
thing ah’m oot tae get.”
“Dear
Robert, are you suggesting three?” she asked me. “You, Siobhan and me?”
For a few
brief moments ah wis fantasisin’. “Naw,” ah said tae her. “But the thought o’
that is very tantalisin’.”
“So, what is
it you want from me?” she asked and chortled wi’ glee.
“Ah want tae
mix wi’ people o’ your class,” ah answered. “An’ you’re the wan that’s gonnae
help me pass.”
“Well, that
wasn’t quite what I expected,” she said. “A desire for prestige and to be well
respected. Robert, I can sense that you’re a man of intellect, but I do propose
that you abandon that silly dialect.”
“The dialect
is purely a matter of choice,” ah said to her in ma poshest voice. “But to
achieve one’s dream, one must be hell bent. I can adopt the voice of a proper
gent.”
“My dear
man, I do believe you can,” she said. “Other things will be required for
playing the part. Clothes, money and title for a start.”
“An’ Giles’
demise,” ah added an’ begot her surprise.
“And why
would you want him dead?” she asked. “It’s a rather drastic course of action
just to get into my bed.”
“It’s the
only way we can legally wed,” ah said.
We were
interrupted by Siobhan knockin’ oan the door
“I will
return to see you so that we can discuss this more,” she said. “Now, open the
door for that adorable little whore.”
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