Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Oh, sister 20. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones iv)

Sally wasn’t the only one that got a visit from a copper
I did too and let me tell you
My boyo had an astoundin’ whopper
The problem was that it was a perpetual flopper
That poor boyo
Blessed with a giant that was only for show
I tried to arouse him with my usual tricks
But still it remained at half past six
I next expected twelve o’ clock
But at least a bit of movement from the useless bloody…
I shouldn’t mock
And at least I didn’t talk
Word would’ve made him a laughin’ stock
I tried rubbin’ it hard and caressin’ it slow
But still the bloody thing wouldn’t grow
Life had dealt him a bitter blow
And he always left here feelin’ low
I can’t say that I blame him for not gettin’ to grips
I even tried to use my lips
But no
His futile floppy didn’t want to know
It was dead
The poor lad’s longin’ was all in his head
Desire is human
But seein’ his anguish made me glad to be a woman
Ladies, imagine if you can
The plight of this unfortunate man
Instead of bein’ proud of bein’ well endowed
He was cursed with one of life’s unfortunate quirks
Havin’ a giant todger that never works
Oh, I can picture your smirks
But have you ever seen a man with tears in his eyes
In utter despair because his pride won’t rise
It was bloody tragic
Watchin’ him pray for a little bit of magic
And then fall to the floor and writhe on the ground
Makin’ the most pitiful sound
Eventually he stopped comin’ around
Rumour had it that the poor sod had drowned
And although a body was never found
Robert had met him in a pub one night
And told me that he sensed somethin’ wasn’t right
He knew the coppers and knew all their names
My flopper copper was Constable James
Robert got the impression that he was sufferin’ from depression
And when he said that he was plannin’ to jump in the Thames
Robert wasn’t sure if he was playin’ games
My belief is that he chose to die
And no one but I will ever know why

Sunday, 24 April 2016

Oh, sister 19. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee iv)

We had more than our fair share of intolerable pests
And a few became our favourite guests
We did our best to indulge their requests
That were becomin’ odder each and every day
But we couldn’t let excesses get in the way
Not if they were willin’ to pay
For some things we’d charge an extra fee
But that was between the lassies and me
What got on my goat was workin’ for free
Robert had an agreement, ye see
He’d pay the coppers to keep them at bay
But one would show up every Saturday
Into the house he’d barge
And demand to see me free of charge
More than often he’d be intoxicated
But he was the law and had to be tolerated
Otherwise things would’ve been complicated
That didn’t stop me hatin’ the arrogant…
Well, he got on my wick
When he’d haughtily swing his truncheon stick
Nudge me gently with the tip
And then smile at me wryly and order me to strip
His very first visit had been terribly dauntin’
As I had a fair idea of what he’d be wantin’
And when he stroked the truncheon I felt real trepidation
Dreadin’ the thought of the imminent degradation
But when he had begun to remove his clothes too
I was curious more than anxious about what he wanted to do
He grabbed his bottle of booze and drank the dregs
And then flopped on my bed and spread his legs
Ye can imagine my shock
Him wantin’ to be penetrated with a wooden…
Well, how could I ignore
I only hoped that it’d be bloody sore
That’s how it was supposed to be
But instead his cries were that of glee
And that was so damn disappointin’ to me
Hearin’ him roar, “More, more, you stupid Whore!”
I shoved it forcefully again and again
Hopin’ it would cause him discomfort and pain
But the harder I shoved
The more he loved
“Again, again!” he’d yelled. “Keep on going, I’ll tell you when!”
I was utterly and truly exasperated
But my irritation soon turned to fascination
When his climax was reached without his own stimulation
In all that time I’d been a whore
Never had I witnessed that before
Nor would I ever have suspected
That some parts of a man could be connected
Ye could say that we were learnin’ every day
But I had no time for bastards that wouldn’t pay

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Oh, sister 18. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary iv)

Sexual desire is natural and human
And usually involves a man and a woman
So someone like me never expects
To be approached by one of the very same sex
And with such boldness like that o’ the punter’s wife
Hintin’ that variety is the spice o’ life
So what made me agree?
Well, there was that promise of double the fee
But there was also a strong curiousity
And that inner voice cajolin’ me
Whisperin’, “Go on, Siobhan. Try it and see.”
The law was strict in the Victorian times
Sexual immorality was one o’ the crimes
And if you were caught in the act with the same gender
Then avoidance of prison was extremely slender
So the woman and I had to be discreet
And the followin’ day we arranged to meet
It wasn’t too difficult gettin’ time off
I just feigned sickness and faked a cough
Robert thought that I was tryin’ to shirk
But allowed it if someone else did the work
I met her in the street early in the day
That was normally the time when the others were away
The girls would be at the market gettin’ in the grub
And Robert would be drinkin’ in the local pub
The woman I met was called Yvette
“Don’t fret,” she said to me. “This will be an experience you shall never forget.”
Although she was beautiful and had perfect etiquette
I worried that it’d be somethin’ I’d later regret
On the way to the house I felt excitement and dread
So many things were goin’ through my head
Like what exactly do women do in bed?
Would it be somethin’ I’d already surmised?
Or was I goin’ to be pleasantly surprised?
What if none of us were satisfied?
Or even worse, horrified?
I could have kicked myself for my premature concern
As there really wasn’t that much to learn
Initially I let Yvette take the lead
And soon it became apparent how to satisfy the need
There were times that I cried out with sheer delight
With hands on the bedhead grippin’ tight
I’d never felt those sensations before
And neither I imagined had many a whore
This was somethin’ new
And when I was able to satisfy her too
I almost felt guilty about takin’ her money
As I had tasted the sweetest honey
She lay with me after and we held each other tight
Everythin’ just felt so right
Until she got up in the middle o’ the night
Oh, Lord, I thought that I was goin’ to die o’ fright
When I heard the voice of Nerys
How much was it goin’ to cost for her to keep her peace? 

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Oh, sister 17. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop iv)

There was a definite change in Robert Brown
Struttin’ around like a man about town
A workin’ class man from the land of the thistle
Thinkin’ ‘es the bee’s knees in ‘is tailor made whistle
You know, whistle and flute
I’m talkin’ about ‘is bleedin’ suit
I can understand that bein’ ‘ard to compre’end
If you wasn’t born in London’s East End
Like when I asked ‘im, “Where the ‘ell did you get the bees?”
The bugger replied, “Nancy, could ye repeat that in English please.”
“The bees and ‘oney!” I yelled at ‘im. “The bleedin’ money!”
Whisky in ‘and and leanin’ back in ‘is chair, ‘e said, “There wis a wee bit spare. Don’t worry, ye’re gettin’ yer fair share.”
“No, things ain’t the same,” I said to ‘im. “What’s your game?”
That smile of ‘is can be so infuriatin’
“Nancy,” ‘e said. “Don’t keep the customers waitin’.”
First up was one that I named Little Rick
On account of ‘im ‘avin’ the world’s smallest…
I swear I ain’t takin’ the mick
It was really small
About the size of me pinky when it was standin’ tall
Now, Rick didn’t like that at all
So, when ‘e came to call
I ‘ad to wait eagerly
For ‘im to whip it out and let me see
Then clap me ‘ands and squeal with surprise
And pretend that it was an incredible size
For the first few visits that did the trick
“I’d even say things like, “Oh, ‘ave you come to show me your magnificent…”
Know what I mean?
Just kind words to keep ‘im keen
But one day ‘e came and sat down and cried
And complained that ‘is missus weren’t satisfied
I felt so sorry for the poor geezer
It was ‘ardly surprisin’ that ‘e couldn’t please ‘er
So, for an extra charge
And once again convincin’ ‘im that it was incredibly large
I pulled me dress up and me bloomers down
And saw a smile replace ‘is frown
It was the worst experience I ‘ad in me life
And for the duration of the encounter I pitied ‘is wife
But I ‘ad to play the part
Screamin’ with pleasure like a professional tart
Men are not that complicated
So long as their egos are kept inflated
My little performance was appreciated
And Rick went away ‘appily sated
But ‘e always came back for more
Four times a week ‘e would knock on my door
I soon got bored with the same routine
Tellin’ ‘im that it was the biggest I’ve seen
So I decided to teach ‘im a trick or two
Where to go and what not to do
And seein’ that ‘e weren’t well ‘ung
I soon got ‘im skilled in the use of ‘is tongue

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Oh, sister 16. (Memoirs of Robert Brown iv)

It’s fine tae be a workin’ class hero
But when yer wealth amounts tae zero
Then ye have tae push that ideology aside
An’ try an’ bridge the great divide
It’s no the common folk ah’m tryin’ tae deride
It’s certain beliefs that I cannae abide
Attitudes entrenched in the minds o’ the workin’ population
That they’re born tae serve and cannae rise above their station
Times were hard and the system wis unjust
But why settle for crumbs fae the upper crust
Ye don’t have tae be born wi’ a silver spoon
Savvy can provide that desired boon
The hindrance tae the majority o’ the nation
Wis the lack o’ a proper education
Ye cannae be succeedin’
If ye don’t know anythin’ aboot writin’ an’ readin’
An’ learnin’ tae count
What good is money if ye don’t know the amount?
Ah acquired ma knowledge fae Father Beast
Remember me tellin’ ye aboot the dirty priest?
Well, for that wee attempted molestation
Ah demanded that he gave me an education
Or ah’d gie away his secret an’ make a lot o’ noise
Aboot what he wis daein’ tae a lot o’ the young boys
He must’ve seen the sincerity in ma eyes
Because he didnae hesitate tae compromise
So, when the despicable wee vermin wisnae giein’ a sermon
Or listenin’ tae somebody confessin’
Ah’d be there for a daily lesson
I might no have went tae an uppity school
But what ah had wis a valuable tool
Withoot it life can be horribly cruel
And if ye’re prepared tae break the rules
Ye’ll find abundant gullible fools
More so wi’ the elite
Who were by far the easiest tae cheat
It’s wan thing havin’ a proper education
But if ye’ve never had that indignation
O’ bein’ oan the street
Strugglin’ tae make ends meet
Then ye’re oblivious tae the art o’ deception
As desperation is the root of dishonesty’s conception
Only a fool believes that there is honour among thieves
There is only wan person o’ interest for the wan that deceives
The business wi’ the lassies wis jist the beginnin’
It wis the trust o’ the cream that ah wis intent oan winnin’
Their admiration
Pavin’ the way for fraternisation
An’ tae start ah intended tae use Siobhan
Ah knew what wis goin’ on
Wi’ her an’ her lady friend
An’ that tae me me wis the ultimate godsend
For such an illicit act
It was guaranteed that we’d form a pact
The threat o’ exposure for the upper class sinner
Wid ultimately ensure that ah wis a winner
Money wis what ah had in mind
But first ah had tae mix wi’ her an’ her kind
Tae hell wi’ scruples
When chance ensures yer wealth quadruples
An’ the lassies makin’ money oan the side?
Who wis ah tae chide?
They were jist the same as me
Daein’ what it takes for the chance tae be free

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Oh, sister 15. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones iii)

It wasn’t all about abusin’ these men
There’d be a special request every now and then
From a pint sized man that liked to play horse
People like them had no remorse
And guess who got to be the horse?
Me of course
Down on all fours
Well, he was hardly goin’ to choose the other whores
“Giddy up, horsey!” he’d boom.
And I would crawl hastily around the room
While he’d flog my backside with his ridin’ crop
Once he was overzealous and wouldn’t stop
And I grabbed him by his jodhpurs and threw him off
I was at the end of my tether with this arrogant little toff
When he banged his head on the post of my bed
There were a few scary moments when I thought that he was dead
He just lay on the floor without makin’ a sound
And it took a few minutes before he came around
He was a bit groggy at first
And for my fit of temper I feared the worst
But I needn’t have distressed
For the diminutive dandy was utterly impressed
And told me that I was simply the best
I wasn’t goin’ to disagree
And when he handed me thrice the normal fee
What a relief that was for me
As he could have insisted that the session should have been free
I was glad that there was no ill will
For I couldn’t have gone and complained to the Old Bill
Imagine Nerys goin’ to the police
And sayin’, “I’m a horse and I threw off a toff, and before I got paid, he buggered off.”
They’d have chased me away
And the hilarity of it all would have made their day
I had a little box where I kept the extra cash
I’m sure the others had their own secret stash
And other secrets too
Let me tell you
Like a punter’s wife and the lovely Siobhan
I had a feelin’ that somethin’ was goin’ on
And when I bumped into her in the middle of the night
I don’t know who got the biggest fright
She’d been sneakin’ out of Siobhan’s room
And I knew that I had to keep stumm
As there’d have been the risk that someone might jaw
And the gossip would’ve reached the ears of the law
Relationships like these were highly illicit
Even a bribe would have failed to dismiss it
I’m sure that Robert must’ve been aware
But tried to pretend that he didn’t care
He must’ve cottoned on
Seein’ that the man had a thing for Siobhan

Sunday, 10 April 2016

Oh, sister 14. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee iii)

Some o’ them were odd and some were quite shockin’
One even had a weakness for a stockin’
He always brought me a nice silk pair
And another pair for him to wear
He’d strip off his clothes and put on the hose
Then crawl under my dress and rub mine with his nose
When the sniffin’ was done and his man thing rose
He’d ask me politely to remove all my clothes
I’d undress slowly to get him agitated
I loved the way he groaned and salivated
It wasn’t just my nakedness that he anticipated
Puttin’ on the clothes got him stimulated
It must’ve been the fabric that got him animated
Because he needed to feel it while he…
I’m sure you understand
Gratification from his hand
It was a wee bit unnatural and I’m sure you agree
But one thing ye should know about Sally McGhee
Certain things I allowed if there was somethin’ in it for me
And he never failed to impress
For each time he came I got a brand new dress
They certainly weren’t cheap
All the latest fashions I got to keep
Much to the envy of the others
That still had designs much like their mothers
Most of our customers we didn’t get to choose
Whoever we got we’d rightfully abuse
But now and then there was a chance to use
And that was how I also acquired my shoes
I needed somethin’ to match the dresses
Men don’t realise how a woman distresses  
How she can feel incomplete
Havin’ the perfect dress and nothin’ for her feet
So when a customer requested to sniff my shoes
I saw him as one that I could use
The look I gave him was terribly sad
And I told him that those were the only pair I had
He looked at me in complete surprise
And frowned when he saw the tears in my eyes
“Don’t despair,” he said. “Next time I come I shall bring you a pair.”
As the weeks went by he brought more and more
Augmentin’ my eagerness when he came to the door
He’d give me the new pair and use the ones that I was wearin’
There was a rule that he had when it came to the sharin’
I had to wear them all day as there was little chance of airin’
And that’s all he wanted to do
Arouse himself with the odour of my shoe
One night when I was lyin’ alone in my bed
A crazy thought came to my head
What if both o’ them asked me to wed?
What would I do?
Marry the man in the dress?
Or the one that sniffs the shoe?

Friday, 8 April 2016

Oh, sister 13. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary iii)

Well, by then I thought I’d seen everythin’ in life
Until one of the punters brought his wife
Or as Nancy would say, ‘trouble and strife’
It took a while to get used to her Cockney rhymin’ patter
Especially when she used the first word and not the latter 
Like she’d say apples and mean stairs
Ye know, apples and pears
So I was tellin’ ye about the customer and his wife
Bloody hell, I got the shock o’ my life
Thinkin’ that the foibles must be rife
Or somethin’ had to be wrong
There could be no other reasons for bringin’ her along
Well, ye can understand my anxiety
Wonderin’ what the hell she’d want from me
“I’ve come to watch,” she said to me. “I want to bask in his misery.”
“That’s fine by me,” I told her. “But that’ll require an extra fee.”
“Whatever the cost I shall pay it to you. Would you mind if at some stage I joined in too?”
That caught me by surprise
And that dark look in her eyes
It was rather dauntin’
But I kept my composure and asked, “What is it ye’re wantin’?”
“Well, I’m afraid that dear Giles has misbehaved,” she told me. “Never have I seen anything so depraved.”
She mentioned his name
No one does that in this game
Apart from Sarah Lee
But that’s only when he became a she
Not that it made any difference to me
They could be anyone they wanted to be
I asked her what he’d done
And if he was to be punished for his sordid fun
“For what he has done he needs to be flayed,” she replied. “Stooping so low and fornicating with the maid.”
I had to stop myself laughin’ at what she relayed
That image of Giles happily slummin’
And not even hearin’ the missus comin’
“It was only the pretty ones that he hired,” she continued. “But she got her comeuppance and was instantly fired.”
That’s typical o’ the rich
She got dismissed because he had an itch
Punishments were normally done by Nerys
But in this case I was happy to get a wee piece
“Giles, I demand that ye strip!” I yelled at him. “Yer degenerate act calls for the whip!”
The woman chortled with glee. “Make him suffer, do it for me!”
And like a woman insane
I whipped his bare buttocks again and again
Relishin’ his sobs and screams of pain
I then gave the whip to my female guest
And she lashed her man with equal zest
“Please, no more!” he shrieked. “It’s terribly sore!”
“Sore?” she cried. “Then you shouldn’t have cheated with that peasant whore!”
His pleas to stop she continued to ignore
Until eventually she got bored and chased him out the door
That’s when she asked me the question
A rather naughty suggestion
Her and me
I told her that I’d agree if she paid double the fee 

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Oh, sister 12. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop iii)

So there was me with money in me purse
And all I ‘ad to do was scream and curse
If I’d told that to the girls back in the East End
They’d ‘ave probably thought that I’d gone round the bend
None of our kind got to rise above our station
But there I was in a unique situation
I ‘ad the power
And it was so bleedin’ rousin’ watchin’ them cower
I’ll never forget my first
The geezer looked proper posh and I feared the worst
I was scared that I’d be chastised for bein’ a rude little peasant
But the gent turned out to be really quite pleasant
And told me what ‘e wanted to do
Or rather what I ‘ad to order ‘im to do
I was to be a senior at ‘is former school
That caught ‘im breakin’ some silly rule
Not bein’ privileged and ‘avin’ an education
I ‘ad to be given a proper explanation
And although I wasn’t exactly coy
I didn’t know ‘ow to behave like a boy
But I did me best
And played the role with resolute zest
First I ordered him to get a broom
Then screamed at ‘im to clean me room
In no time at all it was spick and span
I actually wanted to thank the man
But I ‘ad to play the part and continue to pretend
And made ‘im pull down ‘is trousers and bend
This was a strange situation
I think ‘e called it simulation
Me pushin’ against ‘is bare backside
Sayin’ mockin’ words to dent ‘is male pride  
Tellin’ ‘im that ‘e was a sneaky little dodger
And punishment for that was a jolly good roger
If this was what went on at the upper class schools
Then our lot should be glad to be illiterate fools
This must ‘ave ‘appened when ‘e was a boy
Then somethin’ ‘e later grew to enjoy
I always knew the gentry could be bad
And now I knew that many were mad
But this particular gentleman made me sad
If memories like these were all ‘e ‘ad
But I ‘ad to push me pity aside
Even afterwards when ‘e sat down and cried
There was nothin’ I could do and nothin’ I could say
But just watch the clock ‘til it was time for ‘im to pay
The rest would ‘ave thought that I was a joke
If I told them that a punter almost made me choke
Robert would ‘ave said, “Nancy, don’t be a silly bitch. Ye cannae be feelin’ sorry for the rich. Jist take their money an’ play yer part.”
Yeah, Nancy might be mean, but she also ‘as an ‘eart  

Friday, 1 April 2016

Oh, sister 11. (Memoirs of Robert Brown iii)

Ye could say that business wis good
We never wanted’ an’ there wis always food
An’ wi’ aw that money comin’ in
There wis always spare for whisky an’ gin
Gin wis the chosen drink for any decent whore
An’ whisky wis for the gents when they came tae the door
Ah saw that as a gesture o’ goodwill
Tae have a wee dram before they got their thrill
It’s no as if they were gonnae get inebriated
It wis jist a simple courtesy that wis appreciated
Occasionally ah’d join if we had a special guest
But carefully avoided conversin’ wi’ the rest
Ah know ah can sometimes be a bit rude
But some ah avoided for their ain bloody good
One particular night when ah wis in a pretty foul mood
An’ Siobhan wis daein’ what a whore mother should
Offerin’ her breast tae a baby clad pest
Another broke free an’ crawled up tae me
Bawlin’ like a pitiful wee laddie
Huggin’ ma leg an’ callin’ me daddy
This kind o’ thing ah utterly detested
An’ ma crabby mood wis severely tested
Ah had the urge tae gie the man a damn good thrashin’
It could hardly be called baby bashin’
But thankfully ah managed tae find him a dummy
Clouted his ear an’ sent him back tae mummy
She’d been wonderin’ where the bugger had gone
Ma look o’ disdain became hard to feign
Hearin’ her apologisin’ again an’ again
Eventually ah couldnae contain ma laughter
When ah thought aboot the freak she wis chasin’ after
Moments after that we were rollin’ oan the floor
An’ we laughed so hard until we were sore
Freaks, aye we had oor fair share
An’ few were loonier than Sally’s pair
Wan o’ them wid bark like a hound
An’ the other wid make a cat’s mewin’ sound
This wis their wee fantasy game
An’ the dog an’ the cat each had a name
The cat wis called Tom an’ the dog wis called Fred
An’ tae get Fred started he had tae be fed
Sally wid throw some biscuits oan the floor
An’ he’d gobble them up an’ beg for more
There wis wan time a heard a huge uproar
An’ when ah got there Sally wis runnin’ oot the door
“I told him not to beg!” she cried. “And the randy bugger tried to hump my leg!”
Ah reprimanded him an’ he started tae growl
An’ then looked at me wi’ sad eyes an’ began tae howl
The howlin’ noise set off the cat
Sally screamed when he hissed and spat
“Hey!” ah shouted at him. “Scat!”
An’ that wis the end o’ that
He came back tae Sally later for a friendly pat
After that Sally knew their game
An’ fae that day oan they were fairly tame