Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Oh, sister 42. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop ix)

Oh, Robert’s face when ‘e saw me
It ‘ad looked like ‘e was ragin’ with jealousy
And I just loved Lord Montgomery’s supremacy
The way ‘e commanded me
To go and get Jeeves for a romp for three
That’s when Robert stormed out of the ‘ouse
The louse
Back to ‘is pet
She might ‘ave ‘ad what I wanted to get
But I ‘eard Montgomery threaten to bring ‘er more shame
Robert only ‘ad ‘imself to blame
I anticipated ‘er pain
With the ‘ope that it would drive Robert insane
So I used me feminine powers of persuasion
Mentionin’ to ‘is Lordship about the seriousness of the situation
And told ‘im that for Robert’s insolence
There ‘ad to be consequence
That appealed to ‘is twisted mind
And ‘e said, “You are right, little whore. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, we both know where ‘e is weak,” I replied. “Maybe you should use ‘er if it’s vengeance that you seek.”
“And what would you have me do?” ‘e asked me. “It seems to me that you’ll derive pleasure from that too.”
“Robert was mine, you see,” I said. “She’s the one that took ‘im from me.”
I sensed some aggression
But ‘e softened and asked, “Why should I indulge your obsession?”
“Because I’m willin’ to do anythin’ you ask me to,” I whispered seductively. “Be your slave and do anythin’ for you.”
“Yes, I would like obedience and allegiance,” he said and commanded me to bend.
I winced as I felt ‘im penetrate me and pound my rear end
“I have a meeting at midnight,” he told me when ‘e came to the end. “I insist that you attend.”
I was led to a secret room later that night
It was so bloody creepy that I was shiverin’ with fright
And when I saw figures dressed in robes appear
Well, that just further exacerbated my fear
My ‘eart pounded
When me eyes adjusted to the dimness and I realised that I was surrounded
“Whore, do not falter!” Lord Montgomery shouted at me. “Remove your clothing and go to the alter!”
Tremblin’ in terror, I screamed, “I don’t understand!”
“Silence!” Montgomery shouted. “Obey my command!”
Just as I finished removin’ me gown
I was carried to the alter and forced to lie down
Four of them ‘eld me and I screamed for me life
When I saw ‘is Lordship ‘oldin’ a knife
“Will you renounce the light and darkness embrace?” Montgomery asked me and flashed the knife in front of my face.
I didn’t quite understand
But I knew that I ‘ad to agree to ‘is demand
Because if I didn’t I’d surely be dead
“Yes!” I cried and nodded me ‘ead.
“Then do what I tell you without hesitation,” he said. “Get down on the floor and prepare for initiation.”
Immediately I got down on me knees
For everyone present to do as they please

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Oh, sister 41. (Memoirs of Robert Brown ix)

It was Yvette that broke the news tae me
Aboot Montgomery and Sally McGhee
He even insisted that she had an affair wi’ me
The story spread quickly through London’s high society
Causin’ poor Yvette much anxiety
Because gossipin’ in their world often lingers
Accompanied wi’ sneers an’ pointed fingers
There was nae point in tryin’ tae deny the accusation
It would have jist provoked more aggravation
Most never knew him for the deviant he was
And his close knit friends seemed tae relish his cause
It wis rumoured that once he’d had tea wi’ the Queen
So naebody wid believe that the man could be obscene
The only thing ah could dae wis take it oan the chin
This wee skirmish ah’d never win
Ah decided a wee visit widnae dae any harm
But the idea caused Yvette much alarm
“Robert, what good could it possible do?” she cried. “You’re not going to get an apology from Hugh.”
“The man’s got a cheek,” ah said. “If ah don’t go see him it’ll look like ah’m weak.”
“Oh, that foolish male pride!” she moaned. “No one will think that you’re trying to hide. Some things in life we have to ignore.”
Ah didnae agree and walked oot the door
On arrival at Montgomery’s the butler let me in
I wis led tae the drawin’ room an’ offered some gin
Ah shook ma head
An’ told him tae pour me a whisky instead
It wis a while before Montgomery came through
“Hello, Robert,” he greeted. “What can I do for you?”
He seemed pleased to see me an’ stuck oot his hand
Ah refused it an’ said, “Ah’m sure ye understand.”
“Oh, come now, Robert. Don’t be sore,” he said. “I had to think of something as she was beginning to bore.”
“Well, yer private life is yer own, so stay oot o’ mine,” ah said tae him. “Stick tae that an’ we’ll baith be fine.”
“Dear chap, do I take that as a threat?” he asked. “That would be something you’ll deeply regret.”
“Well, ye’ll find that ah give as good as ah get,” ah told him. “Jist stay away fae me an’ Yvette.”
His facial expression turned to a sneer. “She is such a dear. Does she know that you are here?”
“Naw, she disnae,” ah lied. “The poor wee lassie is petrified.”
"Then for her sake walk out the door,” he snarled. “I may still require her services like that of a whore.”
“Never again will ye go that far!” ah yelled. “Wan o’ these days ye’ll be exposed for the coward ye are!”
Jist then Nancy came through
And said to Montgomery, “I do ‘ope ‘e ain’t insultin’ you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about, my pretty little one,” he said. “Go and get Jeeves and let’s have a little fun.”
In anger ah headed for the door
There wis a time ah fancied that Cockney wee whore
But no more
But it added tae ma frustration
How easily he won people by intimidation
Ah wis determined tae make that cease
And ah wis helped by a wee visit fae Nerys
Givin’ me the truth aboot Nancy
Her thievery and who she really did fancy

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Oh, sister 40. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones viii)

Never would I have thought that I’d fancy Siobhan
And the confusion made me wonder what was goin’ on
At first I thought that it might have been a phase
Emotionally I was in a daze
For if I’d ever been approached by one of my own gender
And the chance of me surrenderin’ would have been greatly slender
But the pull was so strong that I couldn’t ignore
That’s why I found myself knockin’ on her door
We had a relentless desire for intimacy
Every mornin’ we’d locked the front door at three
And indulge in our passion fervently
Knowin’ that somehow we were meant to be
That was until the rude interruption from Sally McGhee
Who arrived one mornin’ unexpectedly
Catchin’ Siobhan and me in the act
And havin’ never been one for showin’ tact
Said, “Ooh, I seem to be interruptin’. Siobhan, I take it that it’s you who’s corruptin’. I’ll go away, but when you are done, I have somethin’ to relay.”   
We found her in the sittin’ room with gin in hand
“That little bitch,” she seethed. “She had it all planned.”
“Who?” I asked. “Has somethin’ happened with you and Hugh?”
“Aye,” she replied. “Ye could say that Nancy has taken his fancy.”
“I don’t understand what’s goin’ on,” said Siobhan.
“Oh, I do and believe you me,” said Sally. “She’s managed successfully to fool us three. Robert might be a selfish get, and that same reason led to his affair with Yvette. But thievin’? Maybe that’s what she wanted us believin’.”
“I’m not comin’ to her defence,” I said. “But what you are sayin’ doesn’t make sense.” 
“Robert is her true affection,” Sally explained. “His relationship with Yvette was the ultimate rejection.”
“But how do you know this true?” I asked. “And why would Hugh want her rather than you?”
“Well, you’ve seen his true colours,” she replied. “The man is incapable of havin’ any regard for others. Nancy convinced him to throw me out, and referred to Robert as a thievin’ lout. But she took the money, I have no doubt. It was the look on her face when I mentioned Robert’s name. I’m tellin’ ye now, she’s to blame.”
“Let’s say she’s to blame,” I said. “What’s her game?”
“Probably to get revenge on he who spurns,” Siobhan reacted. “Bitter is the rejected heart that burns.”
“She’s already witnessed Hugh’s humiliation of Yvette,” said Sally. “But now that she’s become Montgomery’s new pet, she’ll want to see it exacerbated. With Robert helpless and utterly deflated, her hope for his love will be inflated.”
“I think the three of us and Robert should meet,” I suggested. “At least let him know about her deceit.”
“After what they did to me?” Siobhan cried. “They deserve all they get for the duplicity.”
“I’m so sorry, Siobhan,” I said. “You are right. They are the ones that should be contrite.”
“I say that we wait and see what transpires,” Sally said. “It shouldn’t be too long before Montgomery tires.”
“Well, she better not show her face at our door,” I said. “I’ll most certainly thump that thievin’ little whore.”
So, Sally was back
And the next day we heard of another Ripper attack
He certainly was brazen, this man called Jack
Even though Whitechapel wasn’t near
Once again we felt the fear
As the murders were happening in the very same town
I certainly missed Robert Brown 

Saturday, 23 July 2016

Oh, sister 39. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee viii)

Apart from a select few
London’s high society never knew the real Hugh
And if they did they’d have probably had a heart attack
As when it came to sex he was a maniac
Gender or class didn’t matter to Hugh
His Lordship just used who he wanted to
He sought degradation and he loved to degrade
He even had me watch while he rogered our maid
Oh, you should have seen that look on her face
Sympathy for me and horror for her own disgrace
But Hugh only saw her as one that he desired
I guess after that he must have tired
And I presume that she must have been fired
For two days after that Nancy had been hired
But I got the cold shoulder whenever I tried to confide
She was more interested in Hugh and was always by his side
My suspicion grew  
Somethin’ wasn’t right and I had to tell the other two
And I was right
Wakin’ once again in the middle o’ the night
In an empty bed with no Hugh in sight
I’d seen so much and assumed I was beyond shock
Since that time I’d seen Hugh in a wig and a frock
With his lips wrapped around the butler’s …
Aye, I know that I’ve mentioned that before
But when I heard Nancy’s voice outside a door
I wanted to clout the deceivin’ wee whore
So I turned the door handle and got ready to confront
But when I saw Hugh’s face in Nancy’s …
Ye know what I mean
I was faced with a scene that was far more obscene
For while Hugh enthusiastically dined
The butler fervently took Hugh from behind
The butler looked at me in shock and Nancy smiled
Hugh lifted his head and I could see that he was riled
No shame or a look of bein’ perturbed
He was merely angry at bein’ disturbed
“Get out now and close the door!” he screamed at me. “I’ve found myself a more willing whore!”
“Hugh, I don’t know what’s got into you!” I cried. “Why on earth would you want me to marry you?”
“I liked you at first, but you became such a bore,” he said. “Now I have a whore that I truly adore. So, go away now and close the door. Pack your bag and leave in the morning, I don’t want to see you anymore.”
I could only stare at him with a feelin’ o’ dread
“Go on, Sally,” Nancy said. “As from now I’ll be sharin’ ‘is bed.”
“Nancy, what’s yer game?” I asked her. “This was to get back at Robert, have you no shame?”
“Sally, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” she replied. “I’d never ‘ave anythin’ to do with that thievin’ lout.”
“Get out now, or I shall have to use force!” Hugh yelled at me. “I shall see that you get something after our divorce.”
“You haven’t heard the end o’ this, Nancy Trollop,” I said, tryin’ hard not run at her and give her a bloody good wallop.
“I ain’t afraid of you,” she said. “I’ve got your man, and there ain’t nothin’ you can do. And I’m goin’ to do whatever ‘e asks me too.”  

Thursday, 14 July 2016

Oh, sister 38. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary viii)

With Nancy now workin’ for Montogomery
It wasn’t that easy with just Nerys and me
Business took a slump
And Nerys took the hump
After I demanded an equal share
Moanin’ the fact that there was little to spare
Eventually we had to agree
That every tenth customer could have a session for free
That seemed to do the trick
Response to the offer was very quick
And business once more began to accrue
And very demandin’ considerin’ that we were two
Every night there were queues
Some eager to be abused and some eager to abuse
There were times that I wanted to weep
From the extended hours and lack o’ sleep
Sometimes it felt like a chore
And times that I wanted a new life instead o’ a whore
Nerys felt the pressure as well
And our frayed relationship began to tell
Worsened by a punter’s request
That put our friendship to the test
So much different to her customary smother
He wanted to see us have sex with each other
Well, as you know I’ve been there before
But Nerys had never been a woman’s whore
At first she refused to bend
And it made matters worse that I was her friend
The request affected her anxiety
And it had much the same effect on me
But the punter proceeded to throw money on the floor
Smiled at both of us and threw some more
Until the amount that piled up was hard to ignore
I took Nerys aside and whispered in her ear
That I would take control and she had no need to fear
And to her sexual pleasure I would see
There was money to be had and she had to agree
She looked me in the eye and nodded her head
And soon we were naked in my bed
Locked in intimacy
Soon both cryin’ out in ecstacy
Hearin’ the soft deep groans from he who wanted to see
Which soon became a mighty roar
Before he spilled onto the floor
And cried that he’d soon be back for more
Threw us some more money and walked out the door
At that moment I had the need to be inebriated
That easy money had to be celebrated
But Nerys hadn’t felt the same way
She was overcome with shame and had nothin’ to say
For days after that she couldn’t look me in the eye
And that awkwardness made me want to cry
But one mornin’ after our last customer had gone
I heard her outside my door, cryin’, “Siobhan.”
I opened the door to let her in
And shyly she came in holdin’ a bottle o’ gin
After a few we were under the covers
Nerys and I had become unlikely lovers 

Friday, 8 July 2016

Oh, sister 37. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop viii)

It ‘ad all seemed too good to be true
Bein’ invited to a rich man’s do
We should have known there’d be method to Montgomery’s madness
Sally played her part feignin’ tears and sadness
After all, it was Robert we were out to get
And I really enjoyed the misery on the face of Yvette
Oh, Robert were terribly upset
And got a damn good ‘idin’ tryin’ to protect ‘is posh pet
You know what was really funny?
It weren’t ‘im that stole the bees and ‘oney
It were me that pinched the cash
And got meself a nice little stash
Now, why would Nancy ‘ave stooped to such treachery?
Is what you’re probably askin’ me
Well, because ‘e never noticed me
After we moved in with the other three
I was ‘ead over ‘eels with Robert Brown
But since ‘e started actin’ like a man about town
I was never given a second glance
All me life I’d ‘oped for romance
Never ‘ad I been in love before
And my feelings just got ‘arder to ignore
But to ‘im I was still Nancy the ‘ore  
I fancied ‘im since that first night we’d met
And ‘is love and affection I tried ‘ard to get
But no, ‘e ‘ad to go off with that bitch Yvette
That choice I set out to make ‘im regret
I wasn’t done yet
I felt a little bad about deceivin’ the other three
But Robert Brown belonged to me
And if that took an act of duplicity
That was ‘ow it was goin’ to be
I thought that Sally could ‘elp in bringin’ ‘im down to size
But Lord Montgomery’s actions were a ‘uge surprise
I initially thought that she were in control
But ‘e’d be better ‘elpin’ me achieve my goal
So, soon after that me plans were laid
The first thing I did was get rid of Sally’s maid
That weren’t too difficult to do
We’d engaged in somethin’ that were strictly taboo
And if exposed it’d have caused such a ‘uge ballyhoo
She knew what to do
She ‘ad no doubts in ‘er mind that I’d see it through
That’s ‘ow I became employed
And after a few days I was overjoyed
When ‘is Lordship started showin’ an interest in me
I needed ‘im to get rid of Sally McGhee
Divorce ‘er and marry me
I was extremely zealous
But I ‘ad to do somethin’ to make Robert jealous
Montgomery was enough to make any girl sick
But total obedience to that pompous …
Well, that was the only thing that’d do the trick
I’d spent most me life lyin’ on me back
A little sacrifice to get Robert back.

Saturday, 2 July 2016

Oh, sister 36. (Memoirs of Robert Brown viii)

“Smile as ye kill,” Montgomery said.
The thrill for him wis when their spirit wis dead
The man wis definitely sick in the head
It riled me tae see her bein’ used and abused
An’ for tryin’ tae interfere ah wis battered an’ bruised
But that physical pain couldnae compare
Wi’ Yvette’s humiliation an’ her deadpan stare
For a while after that she didnae talk
An’ ah kept seein’ her goin’ down oan Montgomery’s…
Sorry, but it wis an image ah couldnae shake
An’ even though ma body continued to ache
Ah had tae be strong for Yvette
Oh, ah wisnae done yet
She jist needed tae enlighten me oan the extent o’ his threat
He needed tae pay
For degradin’ her an’ the other lassies tae
Yvette woke me a few days later wi’ tears in her eyes
“Oh, Robert,” she sobbed. “They really hurt you. I do apologise.”
“Don’t worry aboot me, hen,” ah said tae her. “It’s you ah’m worried aboot. Why did he have tae submit tae that brute?”
“Because the man is evil personified,” she replied. “I tried to refuse him once; believe me, I tried.”   
“Ah don’t understand,” ah said. “What did he dae when ye refused his demand?”
“Oh, Robert, you can never get to Hugh,” she said. “Look what happened to you.”
 “It’s nothin’ compared tae what you were put through,” ah said. “Noo tell me, what did he dae tae you?”
“My mother married him when I was about nine or ten,” she said. “I knew that there was something wrong, even then. It wasn’t much. A disturbing leer or a lingering touch. But when I became of age, he took his lust to another stage. And when I refused, two men held me down while he violently abused. I never refused again, as he threatened to offer me to the other men.”
Ah could understand why she couldnae say no
Oh, ah had tae kill this man an’ make it slow
Tryin’ hard no tae let ma fury show, I asked her, “Did yer mother know?”
“I doubt whether she knew,” she responded. “My mother was besotted with Hugh. She wouldn’t have believed what I’ve told you.”
“What aboot yer real father?” ah asked. “Was he not around?”
“He drowned,” she told me. “Somewhere at sea, but his body was never found.”
Ah saw her wipe a tear
“Ah’m so sorry tae hear,” ah sympathised. “Nae wonder ye had tae live wi’ that fear.”
“Yes, for many a year,” she said. “But when Giles and I were married he hardly came near.”
“Ye mean tae say that he still assaulted ye after ye were wed?” ah asked. “If ah wis Giles the man would be dead.”
“Yes, he still continued having his sordid fun,” she answered. “It didn’t even matter to him that Giles was his son.”
This man wis seriously deranged
“I never loved Giles,” she continued. “It was all arranged.”
“Why him and no other?” I asked her. “His father an’ your mother, but in a sense it must have felt like marryin’ yer brother.”
“Hugh just loves control,” she said. “The man’s soul is as black as coal. Giles was meek and mild, and thank goodness he didn’t press for a child. I don’t suppose it would have mattered if it was a girl or a boy, a child of mine would have been Montgomery’s toy.”
“The man’s a beast,” ah said. “Ye’ll find many oot there, even a priest. Yvette, let me take care o’ this man. Jist gie me a while tae devise a plan.”
She gave me a look o’ utter dread, and said, “Do that and you’ll wind up dead.”
“Or possibly goin’ down,” ah said. “But ah’ll make him regret ever meetin’ Robert Brown.” 

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Oh, sister 35. (Memoirs of Nerys Jones vii)

We had a visit from Sally McGhee
Or should I say Lady Montgomery
She was still Sally to me
And talkin’ all posh was she
Forgettin’ that it was only Siobhan, Nancy and me
Dean had gone
We’d told him that behaviour like that just wasn’t on 
We’d had enough of his drinkin’ sprees
And despite his pleas
I said to him, “Out, we’re tired of you thinkin’ that you can do as you please.”
So he left and never came back
And neither did Nancy’s Jack
But I was on about our visit from Sally McGhee
His Lordship was havin’ a party and invited us three
Well, she was the one that made him agree
As it was meant to be for a select few
He even gave her money too
For our shoes and dresses
And to go to a fancy place to sort our tresses
She didn’t linger
Already she had him twisted around her finger
I asked her how she got it right to get us an invite
Considerin’ that there’d only be special guests that night
“Curiosity killed the cat,” she said and left it at that.
The night started off like a dream
Us little whores got to mix with the cream
And they were ever so kind
Cheerfully chattin’ while we wined and dined
But as soon as the staff were sent away
That was the signal for the toffs to play
And as soon as they closed the doors
We went back to bein’ whores
Well, Nancy, Siobhan and me
Certainly not Lady Montgomery
We were ordered to strip and lie on the table
By the popinjays and the completely unstable
And if you think that was rude
We were told to lie still and covered with food
In my life as a whore I’ve had some strange requests
And more than my fair share of peculiar pests
But never once did I contemplate
That I’d become a human plate
Completely motionless while the privileged ate
And when they were done
The women moved back to let the men have their fun
They applauded and shrieked like they were truly elated
While us whores and the men fornicated
I caught sight of Sally and saw her cry
And heard her yell at his Lordship, “Why, Hugh, why?”
“Because they’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be rich!” he roared. “And now it’s back to reality, you stupid little bitch!”
I saw the sympathetic faces of Robert and Yvette
But there were looks of scorn from the rest of the set
Tears streamed from Sally’s eyes
“I didn’t know that this was going to happen,” she said to us. “I do apologise.”
“Meddling in my affairs is something you’ll regret,” Lord Montgomery told her. “If I want something, I’ll damn well get. Now watch what I do to the lovely Yvette. She is one who understands the consequences of refusing my demands.”
Yvette stripped naked when he clapped his hands
“You see,” he said and stripped naked too. “Come and kneel before me Yvette. Show them what you can do.”
Robert tried to interfere
But the other men surrounded him and wouldn’t let him near
“Oh, Lord Brown,” said Montgomery as Yvette went down. “Control is how the gentry get their thrill. We smile with satisfaction as we go for the kill. You’ll have to abandon compassion if you want to join our squad. Only then will you feel like a god.”   

Monday, 27 June 2016

Oh, sister 34. (Memoirs of Sally McGhee vii)

I suppose I should have been happy with married life
Especially after becomin’ Lord Montgomery’s wife
I was determined to make it work
And even embrace his little quirk
But there was a lot more to Hugh than a fixation with a shoe
The first thing that became apparent to me
Was that lonely was only what he pretended to be
At night I’d wake up and he wouldn’t be in the room
And when he returned he’d be reekin’ of sweet perfume
There was also somethin’ lurkin’ behind his placid demeanour   
Somethin’ dark and meaner
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first
But feared the worst
I wasn’t quite sure what to do
There was definitely another side to Hugh
I was hesitant to ask
But I had to know what was behind the mask
I tried to extract what I could from my maid
Nothin’ direct as I knew she’d be afraid
Somethin’ that might explain these peculiarities
Or at least somethin’ that would put my mind at ease
But there was nothin’ that she could tell me that I didn’t already know
And my curiosity continued to grow
So much so that I was goin’ off my head
And the next time I awoke in an empty bed
I decided to explore
And went through the house floor by floor
Listenin’ by every door
I was about to give up and go back to sleep
When the sound of voices made my heart leap
Not from far
A little up the hallway a door was ajar
I decided to take a peek
Hopin’ that none o’ the floorboards would creak
I was really scared
And really not prepared
To see my husband in a wig and a frock
With his lips around the butler’s …
I nearly squealed with shock
I was mesmerised
More so when Hugh was bein’ sodomised
I half expected him to put up a fight
But the man that I married screamed with delight
And the smell of perfume
That sickly sweetness was present in the room
It was Hugh that wore
I originally thought that it might have come from a whore
I watched until I could watch no more
And slowly crept away from the door
I’d been had
The marriage was a façade
A front for the high society
In case of the eventuality
That someone may discover his true sexuality
But how could I fault him for his dishonesty
When my own goal was one o’ duplicity
And deception is usually incurred by the one that deceives
But he could’ve done better than our butler Jeeves  

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Oh, sister 33. (Memoirs of Siobhan MacGeary vii)

At first I thought that I was dreamin’
When I heard our Nancy screamin’
“It’s the Ripper, it’s Jack!”
It was enough to give someone a heart attack
Nerys and I ran out but he’d already run out the door
That man had put terror into every single whore
Nerys had to grip her
As she wouldn’t stop screamin’, “It were ‘im. The knickers thief is the Ripper!”
“Calm down, he’s gone!” Nerys yelled at her. “The only ones here are me and Siobhan!”
“But ‘e were ‘ere!” she sobbed and trembled with fear.
We hadn’t had any other customers that night
But Nancy’s revelation sure gave us a fright
It was beyond belief
That evil such as he could also be a thief
With all those tales of his murders and the inevitable rumours
Never had it been said that he had a thing for bloomers
Perhaps it was somethin’ that the newspapers failed to relay
Because the public may not have believed what they had to say
People would accept the gruesome death of a whore
And some would be fascinated with the grisly gore
But in Victorian times they were so naïve
And a knickers sniffin’ madman they’d find hard to believe
Ye can understand that we were all extremely shocked
And from then on we were vigilant and kept the door locked
Robert’s departure left Nerys in charge
But the evil Ripper was still at large
And such was the trepidation he managed to arouse
We needed protection from him and the average louse
We were reluctant to admit that we needed a man in the house
But immediately we began to advertise
We need someone tough and of incredible size
For days after that there were very long queues
And after many long and tedious interviews
The other two weren’t decided on whom to choose
It was me that suggested that we hire Dean
He was by far the biggest man that we’d ever seen
Big broad shoulders and seemed very keen
We told him that he’d have to work for very little pay
But would make sure that he got three meals a day
Things went well for a while
He was very pleasant and always had a smile
Until one day he stole a bottle of gin
And that smile turned into a mischievous grin
Makin’ us rue our decision to let him in
The man had a problem with drink
It’s not what you think
Dean didn’t become mean
But his drunken behaviour was quite obscene
As he had it in his head that he was the Queen
Aye, Victoria
And played the role with great euphoria
Nerys was not impressed
As it was in her favourite black dress that he was dressed
I suppose he thought it’d be right for the part
But he came across more like the world’s ugliest tart
Extremely boozed
Constantly natterin’, “I am not amused!”

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Oh, sister 32. (Memoirs of Nancy Trollop vii)

It was bad enough that Robert ‘ad stolen our money
But ‘avin’ me knickers stolen just weren’t funny
Me underskirts ‘ad gone missin’ too
And ‘oever it was I didn’t ‘ave a clue
I didn’t know what to do
I couldn’t go accusin’ the other two
We might have been virtually skint
And because of Robert we were forced to stint
But I didn’t think any of them would dare
Sneak into the room to pinch me underwear
Not even for a joke
So it ‘ad to be a bloke
Well, if only ‘e’d asked if ‘e wanted to borrow
I would’ve allowed it and said, “Don’t forget to bring them back tomorrow.”
Obviously they’d be used for somethin’ obscene
But as long as they came back clean
And as long as ‘e were willin’ to pay the extra fee
That would ‘ave been fine by me
Keep them ‘appy and they’ll come back for more
I really was an understandin’ ‘ore
And I did my best to please anyone that came through the door
But the thought of one of them stealin’ just made me sore
It really ‘urt
Every pair of knickers and every underskirt
I racked me brains tryin’ to think ‘o it might be
Until it eventually dawned on me
One I got from Sally McGhee
A military man ‘e was without a doubt
With an unnecessary need to scream and shout
The bugger would make me stand at attention
Completely starkers I should mention
And ‘e’d be naked too while ‘e did ‘is inspection
Joyfully fondlin’ ‘is ‘uge erection
Well, that’s what I saw when I dared to look down
And I’d be duly reprimanded by the conceited clown
Screamin’, “Eyes front!”
The man was an utterly arrogant little...
You know what I mean
Pretendin’ not to enjoy ‘avin’ ‘is todger seen
Although me feet got terribly sore
And all I wanted to do was sit on the floor
I did my best to please
And wait for the command to stand at ease
That’s when he’d pick up me clothes
And rub me bloomers against ‘is nose
And then give them a quick inspection
Before puttin’ them over ‘is ‘ead and rubbin’ ‘is erection
When all was done and ‘e had ‘is bit of fun
Me clothes were folded in a neat little pile
And ‘e would lay them on me bed with a satisfied smile
My intuition was right
The same bleedin’ geezer came to visit the next night
I said, “Oi, where’s me bleedin’ knickers?”
But all I got was ‘is usual snickers
“Look,” I said to ‘im. “All I want is me knickers back.”
“And I will bring them back,” ‘e told me. “As long as you promise to be a good girl for Jack.” 

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Oh, sister 31. (Memoirs of Robert Brown vii)

Ah’d been lookin’ forward tae Lord Montgomery’s weddin’
But it wis an event that Yvette wis completely dreadin’
“We have tae go,” ah said tae her. “Jist think o’ how many people ah could get tae know.”
“We have no choice but to go,” she said. “I shudder to think what might happen if I failed to show.”
Ah wisnae sure what she meant
But somethin’ told me that she feared this gent
It wis only some silly event
Yet it seemed that non-attendance posed a threat
An’ seein’ that me an’ His Lordship had never met
Ah tried tae get a wee bit more fae Yvette
But she wis sayin’ no more
Jist the mention o’ his name shook her tae the core
Oan the way tae the weddin’ she trembled wi’ fear
Exacerbated more as the carriage got near
It wis obvious that this man had clout
An’ ah wis determined tae discover what he wis really about
But there wis a wee distraction
When ma eyes caught sight o’ the main attraction
Ah thought, ‘His Lordship certainly has taste’
There wis nae time tae waste
Ah had tae take a chance
An’ ask the dainty lady if she’d care tae dance
Ye can imagine what a shock it wis for me
When ah looked at her eyes and saw Sally McGhee
Dressed like that she wisnae easy tae recognise
Nae wonder ah got a surprise
She looked like a lady o’ grace 
And that harsh Belfast brogue there wis hardly a trace
Since ah’d never met His Lordship before
Ah wondered how he came tae meet the connivin’ wee whore
Immediately ah started thinkin’ how she could be utilised
But she wis no havin’ any o’ it an’ ah wis promptly chastised
And accused o’ theft
Ah hadnae been near the hoose since the day that ah left
Ah let Sally go an’ went back tae Yvette
“Darling,” ah said to her as she wis chattin’ wi’ friends. “I do think that it’s time His Lordship and I met.”
Immediately she began tae fret
Her enormous fear ah jist didnae get
Eventually ah wis introduced by her friend Harriette
“Ah, Lord Brown,” he said as he shook ma hand. “How is the lovely Yvette?”
“She is very well, sir,” wis aw ah could say.
His pleasant manner changed when Harriette walked away
“Both of us know that you’re nothing more than a fake,” he said. “And if you are planning to go against me it will be a huge mistake.”
“Sir, I can assure you that is not my intention at all,” ah told him. “I’m just hoping that for me fame and fortune will befall.”
“Then your secret is safe with me,” he said. “I assume that you recognised Sally McGhee.”
“Yes,” ah answered. “It’s strange that I’ve never met you before.”
He laughed and said, “That’s because I never entered through the front door.”
“Sir, I do hope a friendship can ensue,” ah said. “Maybe you can advise me on what to do, and please don’t hesitate to ask if there is something that I can do for you.”
“Call me Hugh,” he said. “To start with you can ask Yvette to lend me a shoe.”  

Monday, 6 June 2016

Oh, sister 30 (Memoirs of Nerys Jones vi)

The theft of our hard earned money left all of us sour
But we were goin’ to show Robert that we had the power
Sally was the best choice as she was pretty and petite
And the one most likely to fit in with the elite
Her Belfast brogue was a bit strong
But proper elocution didn’t take long
Arranged by her husband to be
Lord Montgomery
All of us were impressed with the new Sally McGhee
Or soon to be
Lady Montgomery
Wife of Hugh
The first name of the man that got his jollies from a shoe 
She even changed her first name too
She told us that she needed somethin’ new
Somethin’ more appropriate for the snooty crew
Hugh suggested Prudence but she preferred Pru
Prudence or Pru Montgomery
A lot more high society than Sally McGhee
As it got closer to the weddin’ we were all excited
The cream of London town were all invited
And that included Robert and Yvette
Hugh was one of the few that Robert hadn’t met
And unknown to the rest of us as he was Sally’s pet
She told us that he visited her once or twice a week
And round the back and through her window he liked to sneak
In order to avoid meetin’ one of his kind
He just required privacy and a place to unwind
The weddin’ took place at the Lord’s lovely manor
We weren’t guests but I got to be planner
Brought about by Sally’s persuasion
Montgomery even bought our clothes for the occasion
Sally made the most beautiful bride
And Montgomery’s face was beamin’ with pride
We could only observe from the side
But later on Sally did confide
How Robert reacted at the very first glance
As moments afterwards he asked her to dance
And stared in shock and surprise
Recognition when he looked at her eyes
 “What dae ye think ye’re daein’?” he asked her as they took to the floor. “Ye’re nothin’ but a silly wee whore.”
“And you are so much more?” she replied. “Oh, Robert, you are such a bore.”
“Och, drop the snooty act,” he told her. “Yer pronunciation is no quite exact. And these lot here might be friendly an’ pleasant, but if they were tae find oot that ye’re jist a wee Irish peasant.”
“Do what ye have to do,” she told him. “They’d believe Lord Montgomery rather than you.”
“Let’s call a truce,” he said. “Noo that ye’re part o’ the elite, ye might have a use.”
“Oh, you are so kind,” she responded. “What do you have in mind?”
“Less o’ the sarcasm for a start,” he said irritably. “Ah won’t be talked down tae by a jumped up wee tart.”
“Whatever ye have in mind, the answer is no,” she said. “But I might reconsider if ye pay back the money ye owe.”
“What money?” he asked. “Ah don’t know what ye mean.”
“Ye know fine well what I mean,” she said. “Stealin’ from whores is not only wrong, it’s bloody obscene.”
“But ah never stole fae you or the others,” he told her. “Ah swear oan ma mother’s life an’ ma brother’s.”
“Oh, how low you have descended,” she said to him as the music abruptly ended.  
“If ah wanted tae steal, ah’d have done it before,” he said as they left the floor.
“Lies, all lies, I don’t want to hear anymore,” she told him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to the one that I adore.”