Lady Love and Tobias Dove by Grant Harbison

“Oh, Lady Love, where is my glove? cried the anxious gardener, Tobias Dove.

“Check under the bed,” she said. “If my husband finds it, he’ll shoot you dead.”

“It’s not there,” he said as he got down on his knees. “Help me look, help me, please!”

“Check under the cover, my lover, we have little time to spare. I must get dressed and fix up my hair.”

Tobias frowned and began to moan. “You can’t leave me to search all on my own.”

“I can’t meet my husband looking like this. If I’m not properly dressed he’ll know something’s amiss.”

Tobias eyed her with acute despair. “Sometimes I wish we’d never started this affair.”

“If you think you can end this you’re sadly mistaken. I’m the Lady of the manor and I won’t be forsaken.”

“But I’m tired of being a lover for hire. Isn’t there someone else who can satisfy you desire?”

“Lord Love? Heavens above! The silly sot’s shrimp is permanently limp.”

Suddenly he spotted the glove and let out a triumphant cry. “I don’t believe it; it was right before my eye.”

“Good, now come and join me in the shower. My husband shall be home before the hour. After that you can tend to the flowers. Oh, and before forget. I’ve told a good friend about my wonderful pet. She is dying to meet you and shall pay a large fee. You’ll simply love Lady Chatterley.”