Frumpy Freddy by Grant Harbison

Frumpy Freddy fell in love

With pudgy Polly who lived up above

But Freddy fell in love every day

Yesterday it was mawkish May

And the day before that was pimply Pat

But alas no one finds Freddy fab

He’s far too gawky and way too drab

Although he’s never been pedantic

There’s never been hope for this hopeless romantic

Just last week slovenly Sally slapped his cheek

And then stomped on his toe and called him a geek

Belligerent Belinda went berserk

Hit him with her shoe and called him a jerk

He even tried with bandy Mandy

By sending her flowers and a box of candy

One day he got down on his knees

And scared the hell out of lofty Louise

He told her that he couldn't resist her

And the following day he did the same with her sister

Freddy has tried with every girl at school

But he’s continually snubbed and branded a fool

Life is hard and lonely for Freddy

As all of his friends are now going steady

Maybe one day he will find his sugar

But for now it’s not happening for young Frederick Kruger